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Speech Impediment

I can’t say what I mean. I don’t always mean what I say. I try to express a thing, and it comes out to be another thing entirely. I start talking mid-thought, as if you can read my mind. This must be why I always wanted to be a writer. If only there were time … Continue reading

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Stuck

I don’t need to do any soul-searching to realize that I’m bored with the turn my life has taken. When the world slows, when the deadlines are met, when there is time to breathe… that’s when I come to face it. There I am, numb in the brain. I cannot stand to do this with … Continue reading

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Distractions Abound

I’m scattered. In the past week or so I: Started new writing project. Got stuck on new writing project. Kept my other new project in the back of my mind… felt guilty… felt excited… felt overwhelmed… felt like it was the right thing to do. Carried around drafts of my two unfinished short stories: “W” … Continue reading

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With Time to Kill

My mom was in the city yesterday taking an oral exam at a local high school. I couldn’t go in with her, so during her test I wandered the neighborhood, waiting until she was done. I had almost two hours to kill. I found myself beneath an on-ramp to the Brooklyn Bridge. I couldn’t say … Continue reading

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Q&A

After reading the VOGUE “Shape” issue in which women reveal the parts of their bodies that they truly despise: tummies, chins, thighs, butts, etc., it occurs to me that I don’t know what part of my body I hate more than any other. It also occurs to me that this probably wasn’t the point of … Continue reading

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Cleansing

An overwhelming moment, standing beneath the loft bed, surrounded on all sides by old writing drafts—boxes here, scattered pages there, a tower on the bookshelf, a cabinet full. It feels symbolic somehow. That I can’t move ahead with my life when I have this disappointment all around me. I spend my days living under its … Continue reading

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Fishbowl

I can’t believe I’m sitting here in public trying to write. It’s such an absurd activity some days. I started the morning at one table, not a prime table away from the door because the best ones were being used, so a backup table, a compromise. I was uncomfortable. I was aware of who could … Continue reading

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Needing to Write

This post from goodthomas cheered me up. He says: Someone recently asked me why, after being an actor for so many years, why I would want to write, why I would want to subject myself to more rejection. I smiled and said that as an actor, I had to audition, I had to have someone … Continue reading

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Watch Me Give Up

I am about to give up. Watch it happen, in slow motion: This week I haven’t written much. I’ve gotten up every day to make an attempt, and my failures are astounding. Such as this morning. I got up, got wet by the snow, got my favorite writing table, opened my outline—didn’t feel like working … Continue reading