Possible Reasons Why People Won’t Talk to Me

(And by people I mean editors. And by talk I mean answers or feedback or some kind of human communication.)

1.
I have grown horns on my head and don’t realize it.

2.
There is only a certain amount of space available in editors’ brains and that space is already taken up by their own deadlines, the writers who they deem important, of which of course I am not one, the meetings they must attend, the pressure from sales and marketing and publishers and other things I don’t fully understand, and of course the fact that they need to pick up the dry-cleaning.

3.
I am wearing a sign that says “Ignore Me” (instead of “Kick Me”) and people are quick to follow directives on signs.

4.
I am a passive aggressive bag of stress and pathetic anxiety, and this seeps out of me whenever I send an e-mail, make a phone call, or enter an office to ask a question, and instead of dealing with it, it is far easier to look away.

5.
I am easily forgettable. When they receive an e-mail from me, their first thought is “Who is that again? Oh, right. Her.” And then as soon as the e-mail is out of sight they forget that I exist until I send another e-mail. It is a vicious cycle of forgetability for which my weird name does not seem to help.

6.
I am one of those annoying people who don’t know they’re annoying and whenever I leave a room it is mentioned how annoying I am and so far no one has decided to tell me to my face.

7.
I have inadvertently gained the power of invisibility, but the drawback of this power is that I don’t know I have it and still assume people can see me when I walk into a room.

8.
I am deaf. People have been talking to me this whole time; I just can’t hear it.

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