Maybe I should say singed again.

About a month ago I had sent a query to an agent who had encouraged me—only she wanted to see a revised, and I wasn’t sure exactly how revised and how interested she’d be upon receiving it, if, theoretically, she ever did. I never heard back. So I did what any level-headed (at heart insecure) writer would do and wrote her off.

Now, today, I get an email from the agency. The agent had left the agency—that’s why I never heard back from her, I assume. Also, I can’t find any news about her whereabouts online. I don’t tihink she moved to another agency; there are usually postings about such things. So… I should be relieved that I didn’t spend a whole lot of time revising to (what I thought were) her specifications only to find she vanished into thin air, I guess. But it’s disappointing either way. You always like to think that at least one door is still open, even if you have no plans whatsoever to step through it.

This has happened to me before, once with an editor and another time with a junior agent. I can’t really file it under “rejection” but it’s a no more than a yes, I would think.

I’m feeling all contemplative and moody lately. I came home in the middle of the day to drop off my heavy computer, since I’ll be going out after work. On the way home an ambulance screamed through the traffic on Houston Street and all the yellow cabs pulled aside to let it go. The ambulance had to stop and start every few cars, its siren blazing. My ears almost punctured when it got held up beside me. But as I watched it go off, running a red light, I got all misty hoping whoever was counting on that ambulance would be okay. I had a lump in my throat for blocks afterward. I tell you, I’m not thinking clearly today.