My litany of complaints for the day is above. I guess the worst is that one of my writing deadlines was pushed up a week, which only means I have to work harder this weekend than expected. The coat hanger? E is dealing with it as we speak. The window office? I didn’t really want it that badly anyway—and I haven’t found out for sure that I didn’t get it; when that happens I can start being offended. The coffee? I slept too late and didn’t feel like waiting on line. I can only blame myself. I’m just… I was the kind of kid to spend innumerable hours building the city of blocks, but once it came time to drive the Matchbox cars through it I didn’t want to play anymore. I’d rather wreck it with a hail of pennies and start over. I want to wreck my city. I want to quit the game and not hit save. I’m thinking of stalking that Starbucks to see if I run into the life coach. I’m thinking of hiring a headhunter. One of my freelance writing projects (the latest one) is to write a reader’s guide for a new novel. I’m reading the novel now. It’s beautiful. This is a good thing—it’s good when the books that are lucky enough to be published are beautiful books you’d want to tell others to read. And yet why am I a little sad? That someone else has written a beautiful book? That I am so far away from publishing my own book that I could eat my own hand? That a coat hanger is stuck in the sink? Oh, who knows. I’m a very complex, indecisive creature and when I say I want a window it might just mean I want a new view from my desk. The same could be accomplished by turning the desk to face a different wall, if the thing weren’t so heavy I can’t move it myself. Or I could put up a new poster on the wall, how about that. In symbolic gesture, I left work on time today, a minute early in fact. I also pitched two entire shelves of old photocopies into the recycling bin without even going through them first. I just felt like I wouldn’t need them anymore. Don’t ask me why—it was a whim. On Monday if I’m freaking out about missing important copies we’ll all know where they are. In New Jersey, being recycled to mulch.
Huh. This post makes no sense. This is why I need caffeine in the morning. I mean seriously: what did I throw away?