My weekend writing spot would be better if they fed writers intravenously from convenient tubes in the desks. I can never decide what to eat—a character flaw—and taking the time to venture downstairs and out of the building is a distraction too dangerous since it involves seeing all the colorful windows and crowds on Broadway and I do not want to buy a new shirt at the Gap.
I miss the MacDowell picnic basket.
Also I could use a more ergonomic chair, one that reclines completely flat and has pillows, on which to “think” between sentences (okay, nap).
The coffee machine should drip perfectly foamed mochas.
While we’re at it, time should stop upon entering the writing room, a force field where clocks do not hold to their measured digits, and so if I get here at 10:00 and write for 8 hours straight it is still only 10:01 when I pack up my stuff and go home. I’d get a lot more done that way (and my apartment might not be such a mess).
In addition, I’d like to be transported to the bathroom in the hallway on a direct chute so I don’t have to remember to get the key and so be out in the hallway and then have to return to get said key, and be interrupted by a writer who does not know how to use her new cell phone and wants me to show her how to check her messages, then finagle a way out of that to get the key to go to the bathroom to go back to the desk to realize I forgot the next great sentence I was repeating again and again in my head.
I like the sound of rain and it helps me write so maybe there should be mounted speakers that pump out a raging thunderstorm so I feel really inspired… except that may make me need more trips to the bathroom.
I probably should not be allowed to have Internet access.
And if this were a perfect place for a writer, specifically me, the writer of enormous anxiety and self-doubt, a little publication fairy would pop down from the ceiling when I finish a great story and snap it up before I even have the chance to print it out, preferably a fairy employed by Open City or Tin House.
Other than that, this place is all right.