Day of Not-Much

I went through my computer’s archives today. I found lines from old short stories; I found openings to novels I had thought I would write—some, quite frightening; I found a paragraph I can’t live without ever seeing again; I found many dead and dying ideas. After all this, I didn’t write a new word, which is most disappointing, but seeing some things I cannot let go of—I don’t think I can ever let go—should give me a sense of purpose. Tomorrow will be a day of more than yesterday, and the following day more than that, and so on. I want it to be, anyway.

I was about to publish a longer, more detailed post, but I went back and deleted it. Nasty (?) comments from strangers confuse me, making this whole process less exhilarating, less fun. I think I’ve gotten much more open here, in a public forum, not always the best place for confessing your hopes (and fears) (and disappointments) and dreams. There is something to be said about keeping a private journal. You can say an honest thing and not be judged for it later, except by yourself. (Though, I’ve had my private journals ransacked, so even that isn’t necessarily true.) This must be why people blog about Britney Spears. Unless you feel truly bad for Britney Spears, which I do, so I suppose right now I am blogging about Britney Spears. See what happens when people insult me?

5 thoughts on “Day of Not-Much

  1. shame on doodyheads who post nasty comments on people’s blogs–! what is the POINT of that, you know?! it’s like you walk around naked and vulnerable to the world, and then they (full clothed, in armor), fling crap at you. total doodyheads.

    anyway i applaud you onward!

  2. Echoing jadepark here, and I believe it was “e” on the previous post who labeled your nasty commenter as nothing more than a troll. I have a lot of those first lines/first paragraphs laying around as well, and I can’t bear to part with them. It’s good to look back at them for various reasons–sometimes to see my progression, other times to just get inspired to move forward. Every word is worthy.

  3. Jade! You had me laughing at your “doodyheads” comment. You are so right, that’s exactly how it feels!
    *
    Sognatrice, do you ever go back to those forgotten first lines and paragraphs, or do you find that the moment has passed and they progressed into something else? I wonder about going backward sometimes… Times like this, less than a week to my birthday, I feel like doing so.

  4. This is a really good blog and your observations are smart. The creep from the last post just wasn’t very smart. There’s no reason to take him seriously. It is, unfortunately, very much the case that the internet has turned into the nastiest high school cafeteria fight ever, with people using fake names to leave cracked-out, petty insults everywhere. About you, Britney, Hillary, whoever. And it is repellent. Don’t let it get to you.

  5. People can be real dorks about the internet. It’s easy to hide behind a computer and play troll. Don’t let the bastards grind you down! You have more than a few people who appreciate your insights and observations.

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