Watch Me Give Up

I am about to give up. Watch it happen, in slow motion:

This week I haven’t written much. I’ve gotten up every day to make an attempt, and my failures are astounding. Such as this morning. I got up, got wet by the snow, got my favorite writing table, opened my outline—didn’t feel like working on it—opened a short story that needs revision—didn’t feel like working on it—opened a new story—didn’t feel like even thinking about it—looked at the files on my hard-drive, sighed, grabbed a wireless signal, commented on a friend’s blog, wrote a post about work (see below), which only got me thinking about work, which ruined any and all motivation to be creative, plus I have to get my tax papers together for my appointment on Sunday, plus I can’t find anything in the apartment and grabbed what I thought was my winter glove and which turned out to be A SOCK, plus I have a huge freelance proofreading project due Monday, so this weekend will be a wash, plus I have been depressed for no reason for almost two whole weeks now. It’s lovely. I recommend it wholeheartedly.

I am not sure if I can make it through this day.

Conclusion? I’m going to give up on trying to write and just go to work early. I am such a loser. If my hand gets cold on the walk there I will cover it with the sock.

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12 thoughts on “Watch Me Give Up

  1. oh–i send you positive thoughts. and i hope that you indulge yourself in something self-nurturing soon (chocolate? a massage? a walk?) you deserve (and need) it. 🙂

  2. Pingback: A critique group against winter gloom « Smithereens

  3. i think that a lot of this can be attributed to the fact that you’ve been going to bed at 12:XX am and getting up at 6:30 am.
    .
    someone needs her rest.

  4. Write something new. Write something angry, about being tired, about seeing obstacles, real and imagined, write about facing words that jiggle and jump before you. Take a new character somewhere new. Write about what you are feeling, make that part of your story.

    Stop, breathe, smell, spring is coming, I promise.

  5. Ugh, this slush isn’t helping, is it? I hope you get some zzz’s this weekend. Just typing that makes me want some zzz’s, too. Maybe I will go…

  6. Nova, give yourself a break. A boring job is astoundingly enervating; yet you’ve still accomplished all this freelance work as well as your own. Take a break, but don’t give up, because only you can say what you say, and we need it. The stories will find you when they’re ready to be written.
    Oh, and: Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

  7. Oof. I haven’t been very supportive lately, and for that I am sorry. I wish you could have a break. Seriously, any day now- just a helping hand at work, or something.

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