This Small Spot in My Heart

Amid a confusing collection of emotions, the monster of self-doubt carrying what feels like a truckload of rejection letters, the exhaustion, the loss of all sense of time, the regret, the REGRET, I am still here. Mistakes have been made. There is no time travel invented (that I know of) to fix them. I have walked around saying there is nothing left in me—I said this; this week I said it—and though there may be air inside, a vacant patch of lukewarm air, sometimes colder, sometimes much colder, there is something else in there I can’t deny. The desire to keep going. I just can’t swat the damn thing away. It won’t be drowned like a kitten—I would never ever drown a kitten!—it won’t be balled up and thrown across the room, it won’t be ignored, not for longer than a day. Here it is now, all dingy, pock-marked, dragged in mud. It’s what I have left. Is it enough? It has to be.

1 Comment

  1. Not only is it enough, sometimes it’s all you need. That small spot in your heart will take the rest of the way, if you let it. Keep going!!

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