confessions / dayjob / writing

Plans of Outstanding Proportions

I just turned in that manuscript. I am DONE.

And, soon, it will be October, and what I’m hoping to be a new outlook on life.

It will take effort to:

  • Be positive.
  • Be focused.
  • Not be a workaholic at work.
  • Write for myself and only myself with only my own self-imposed deadlines.
  • Pick a novel and stick with it.
  • (Get healthy on top of this, another distraction but one that is needed.)
  • Turn down freelance projects though we could really use the money. So far, since making this decision, I have turned down just three, and none of the three were a good fit for me. It will be tough if I am offered something truly tempting. Or if we have trouble paying the rent again.

* * *

Yesterday I had the most wonderful moment of closure. In fact, nothing is closed any longer; new doors have come open. I had the day off from work (a “personal day”; I love the idea of fully paid personal days) and ended up meeting my previous boss for a drink. One drink led to three. I am not a drinker, but I like cider (with ice; thanks to my friends from Scotland for introducing me to that combo).

Saying that I met with my old boss on a weekday off from my new job sort of sounds like I’m cheating on my new job, no? Anyway, I met her downstairs in the lobby. I missed the building—and now MTV is moving in; can’t believe I missed that!—and we talked intensely for a couple hours. We like each other so much, and now that I no longer work for her I think we can have a real friendship. This meeting was a long time in coming. We didn’t talk or email for about three months after I had left. I think, I know, that she felt abandoned at a terrible time when she was understaffed, so I guess I was giving her space and maybe she was giving me space, but a couple of weeks ago she finally hired my replacement, so there is no going back now.

Yesterday, however, was the first time I saw her since my last day at the office. I am happy to report that she’s not mad at me. She seems truly happy that I was able to leave and put my life (and thus my writing) first. It means so much to me to have her support, especially knowing what a tough summer she went through having no one to do my job for over three months.

Leaving that job—such intense, unending pressure—was the first step. But you and I know that I have more work to do to change my life for the better.

Now is the time. It has to be the time. What other time than this?

* * *

But this post was meant to be about my plans. There is so much I want to write, I can hardly contain myself. I am making a list. The thing extends beyond the boundaries of time. It will take years to accomplish everything I set out on this list. I suppose I will have to tackle it one thing at a time. And sometimes I will want to take on things not even on the list, and at those moments I should follow the inspiration.

Also, in October, E and I will be traveling back to Ohio to see the campus of the college where we fell in love, and we might just be there to find out that the college won’t be closing after all. Please think positive for me, for my college, and for yourself. I have drowned in negativity too long. I want to stop being that person, if such a thing is possible.

Can you gut yourself of dire thoughts? I really don’t know. All I know is that I’ll try.

6 thoughts on “Plans of Outstanding Proportions

  1. YAY for being done that manuscript!!

    I’m glad you had a positive meeting with your old boss–and like you said, that was the first step. First steps are always the hardest and you have it in your favour that that one is and has been out of the way. That’s a good good thing. & I am definitely sending out the positive vibes for you and I DEFINITELY believe you can gut yourself of dire thoughts. It’s not easy but it’s possible. October and on sounds like it could be really good for you and I think it will be.

  2. Thanks, Courtney. Thank you so much for the positive vibes.

    It’s Sunday morning and my alarm just went off… I woke up and felt the usual blahs, thinking I had more work to do today, and then I realized: I turned it in! It’s done! Done! And now, here I am, really early in the morning, up anyway, smiling.

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