0

Felt ill this morning. Could have been the doomsday thoughts running through my head, coming back even though I told them they’re not allowed to, could have been the enormity of writing a novel, a new novel, and what might happen after it’s done. (Revise, cut, write anew, revise, cut, write anew, revise, revise, cut, cut, revise, then send out **and here my brain fizzles, my heart seizes** and I don’t get beyond that because the thought of it is too much to bear, the end.) Sure, I could have felt ill this morning from all that. But you know what I really think it was? Last night’s binge on eggplant pizza.

Anyway, I got a late start. I made it to the coffee place on Broadway, but it was crowded, so I finished reading the story I’d been devouring on the subway last night (“Chance” by Alice Munro, yes I am reading Runaway again… Next up is Kafka on the Shore, which I’ve never read). Then a set of glossy blond tourists took up the tables around me, and on the other side a group of Navy officers from Japan. I headed out to my weekend writing spot. But first mailed something in a mailbox on the street—only to discover, after slipping the thing in the box, that a red sign was crookedly sinking on the inside with only some of those words readable: STOP! ROUTE CANCEL— Oh. Now I understood why the first two mailboxes I tried would not open. Do I call the post office? Ugh. Also, today, there is expected to be a decision on whether my school will stay open, and I’m nervous. Still, there’s nothing I can do about that, and certainly not from here.

So I am here, my weekend writing desk. They are painting the ceiling; soon I might have to move. Word count on the page: 0. Word count in my anxious heart: -10. Word count in my dreams: 50,001.

4 thoughts on “0

  1. bloglily November 3, 2007 / 11:14 am

    Oh the ennui of eggplant pizza. You are at your writing desk. It is still early. Words will mount and you will push away all that other stuff, because you are a wonderful, talented writer. And you have a lot of things to say. So say them. xo, BL

  2. jadepark November 3, 2007 / 11:17 am

    I’m cheering you on, nova. From 3,000 miles away, so my cheers might sound distant, but I send positive thoughts!

    Plus–I hope you enjoy kafka on the shore. 🙂

  3. adammorgansmith November 3, 2007 / 4:27 pm

    Kafka on the Shore is excellent! Enjoy!

  4. e November 4, 2007 / 2:35 am

    i should never have agreed to the eggplant pizza (though it was delicious).

    quinoa and broccoli until jan 1st! and blueberries…

    e

    ps. you’re incredible. i can’t wait to read what you’re writing! incredible…

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