Felt ill this morning. Could have been the doomsday thoughts running through my head, coming back even though I told them they’re not allowed to, could have been the enormity of writing a novel, a new novel, and what might happen after it’s done. (Revise, cut, write anew, revise, cut, write anew, revise, revise, cut, cut, revise, then send out **and here my brain fizzles, my heart seizes** and I don’t get beyond that because the thought of it is too much to bear, the end.) Sure, I could have felt ill this morning from all that. But you know what I really think it was? Last night’s binge on eggplant pizza.

Anyway, I got a late start. I made it to the coffee place on Broadway, but it was crowded, so I finished reading the story I’d been devouring on the subway last night (“Chance” by Alice Munro, yes I am reading Runaway again… Next up is Kafka on the Shore, which I’ve never read). Then a set of glossy blond tourists took up the tables around me, and on the other side a group of Navy officers from Japan. I headed out to my weekend writing spot. But first mailed something in a mailbox on the street—only to discover, after slipping the thing in the box, that a red sign was crookedly sinking on the inside with only some of those words readable: STOP! ROUTE CANCEL— Oh. Now I understood why the first two mailboxes I tried would not open. Do I call the post office? Ugh. Also, today, there is expected to be a decision on whether my school will stay open, and I’m nervous. Still, there’s nothing I can do about that, and certainly not from here.

So I am here, my weekend writing desk. They are painting the ceiling; soon I might have to move. Word count on the page: 0. Word count in my anxious heart: -10. Word count in my dreams: 50,001.

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4 responses to “0”

  1. Oh the ennui of eggplant pizza. You are at your writing desk. It is still early. Words will mount and you will push away all that other stuff, because you are a wonderful, talented writer. And you have a lot of things to say. So say them. xo, BL


  2. I’m cheering you on, nova. From 3,000 miles away, so my cheers might sound distant, but I send positive thoughts!

    Plus–I hope you enjoy kafka on the shore. 🙂


  3. i should never have agreed to the eggplant pizza (though it was delicious).

    quinoa and broccoli until jan 1st! and blueberries…


    ps. you’re incredible. i can’t wait to read what you’re writing! incredible…


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