confessions / fiction / freakouts / novels / writing

Behind, But No Matter

I’m somewhat behind. But this morning I think I came to a good stride. I finally got out some words that gave me my high, so as of now, even if I don’t reach 50,000, it doesn’t matter.

Silly confession to follow:

I felt a tad ill on Thursday. I was at work and noticed that my left arm was going numb. It started in this one spot, in my inner elbow. I happen to be right-handed, so I kept on working. The numbness stopped, then started up again after lunch with more of my arm. I thought maybe I was feeling it in my leg, too. I was cold, then hot. By the day’s end my arm was practically entirely numb. I just wanted to get home, on the subway, to tell e and ask him what he thought I should do. But on the subway, the left side of my face started feeling numb, too. And the leg for sure (I think). Plus, the train was especially crowded. I was standing, holding on to a pole, but I couldn’t use my left arm because it was shaking. Finally I got a seat. I was sitting there being all melodramatic thinking yeah, yeah, I know I’ve been eating terribly *you have no idea* and not exercising *and walking less because I now commute to work* and et cetera and I got sick from eating and acting like a child about two years ago *and I haven’t had the bloodwork done in a while* so… logically, I thought it was something serious. But nothing can go wrong! I thought. I want to get back to this novel. How silly is that?

Either way, I seem to be fine. My arm feels fine. And a few people said maybe I just had a pinched nerve in my neck, which can make an arm go numb sometimes. No biggie.

But my resolve is the same. I want to keep writing. Finally I think it’s worth saving.

Oh, and by the way, I guess I’m on a diet. (Sob.)

8 thoughts on “Behind, But No Matter

  1. UM!!! NOVA?!
    Go to a DOCTOR!

    (I say this because so many people had to say it to me when I had a stroke, and then when I had my subsequent TIA).

    It sounds like it could have been a TIA (transischemic attack, or a “mini-stroke”)

  2. Oslowe: Agreed. There is a dark chocolate Toblerone in the apartment and it is TORTURE that I cannot eat it.

    e: please eat it before I do.

  3. Congratulations on writing something “worth saving.” Actually, I believe that it’s ALL worth saving. There’s bravery in each word, in the very act of trying to flesh out a feeling, a thought, sending it into the cosmos.

  4. I agree. Go to the doctor!

    But sometimes my left arm goes numb and if I roll my shoulders a few times, everything seems to “click back” and I can feel the blood rushing to it again. Still I’ve never had my face go numb. That’s scary. Please take care!!

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