confessions / distractions / rejection / writing

About My Lack of People Skills and My Propensity to Lose Gloves

I lost my gloves Friday. They were a mismatched pair, gone from my pockets somewhere near Rockefeller Center. One was from this pair, one from another pair entirely. I think it was while at lunch with two people I used to work with—I felt uncomfortable with myself, and this was before I lost the gloves. I was either too boring, or too gloomy, or too cheerful, or too bitter, or too something. I willed myself to stop talking, but it didn’t work. Then I had to leave in a hurry, no time to go back to look for the gloves. (I suspect they fell under the table.) Newsflash: I am awkward in social situations, so I tend to overcompensate, and then I get a headache from the strain. It makes me wonder how this appointment really went. Or how lunch went. Or how anything goes, really. I have a lot to do, I know, but this weekend ended up being a wash for me. I felt sick physically. And beyond that I needed to recover from some nameless something. I was searching through the archives of my old email inbox looking for something and came across all these old rejection letters, so that didn’t help. I can’t let the doubt get me before I’ve even really begun.

So I bought a new pair of gloves. But I accidentally picked up a size large, and the fingers are far too long for my actual hands. They flap. I don’t fit as it is, but this is ridiculous.

One thought on “About My Lack of People Skills and My Propensity to Lose Gloves

  1. Oh my goodness, I so could have written this post – not nearly as eloquently, but certainly attempting to express the same feeling of being awkward in social situations, always been too…something. Willing myself to stop talking (or typing, whatever the case may be) and yet never actually stopping…

    Love the last line.

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