Out of Practice

I haven’t written for two days. The past two mornings my alarm went off at crazy-o’clock so I could get in some writing before hopping on the subway for the day job and I, with full consciousness, reset the alarm so I could sleep. But those two days of no-writing also became two days of a monstrous mood that followed me home after work and… enough said. I think the lesson here is that if I don’t make some effort to write, even if I only have a spare hour, I become that person you don’t want in the room with you—you know that person. Even I want to avoid me.

Maybe I’m all off because I’m in limbo. I am still waiting on things out of my control to either (1) revise the work-for-hire project or (2) continue the novel that will be due soon, so I am on my own at the moment, free to write whatever I want to write. You’d think that would make me dance around the room or leap through a meadow, but all I feel is a bit scattered at the moment. There are just so many things I want to do…

So, this morning, I got up and am attempting to work on a fellowship application. I don’t know why I keep applying to these things—I’m nothing if not persistent. Or is it naive? Problem is, I haven’t gotten much done on this application. I keep thinking back to my dream early this morning of being forced to be back in high school, and hours late, and not sure where I was supposed to be because I’d misplaced my schedule, and some girl was mad at me and I was afraid of sitting near an open window because I thought she’d, like, do something to me during class and… Ugh, high school dreams.

Also, I don’t think there’s a shot of espresso in my drink. Also, I have to leave for work now in 10 minutes. Also, I found out how much I owe the IRS and realized I don’t have enough to pay it until my advance-on-signing check comes in… and the contracts department is taking forever for no reason anyone could explain to me, even though I sent in the signed contract on February 16.

I’m a little bit in trouble about that, I guess.

Am I becoming that person you don’t want in the room with you, already? It’s not even nine o’clock!

Maybe I should try and write during lunch.

4 responses to “Out of Practice”

  1. I have those high school dreams too. I’m informed that my high school transcript was wrong and I need to go back for one more class. I’m older but still have my child-like fears as I roam the hallways of a vast school, trying to locate the room I’m supposed to be in… (Brrr!)

    It’s a bitch when everyday concerns invade our writing life (death, taxes, parent-teacher interviews); at the same time, these things must be endured, dealt with and maybe, eventually, written about…


  2. I hope you can get back to your writing soon. I’ve been a BEAR lately because I have this great novel idea, but I have absolutely no time to be doing the research I NEED to do in order to get a good start on it. I’m counting down the days until the end of the semester. Then I’ll have the better part of three months to dig in.


  3. High school dreams suck! I keep having them… I must be regressing.

    And, Andi, I love how you said you’ve been a BEAR. That perfectly describes my mood yesterday. I hope to avoid being a bear for the rest of the week at least.


  4. the last thing i would worry about is not getting back to writing — if you weren’t irritable about it, i would worry, but since it bothers you, then you’ll get back into the swing before you know it, or at least after the project for hire is done.

    i’ve done 14 hour days this week, and the words i am typing now are the most writing i’ve done since the weekend. and i, too, am in a monstrous mood…


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