distractions / freakouts / voices in my head / writing

What’s with the Mood?

I’m trying to stay upbeat and move on to the next thing and be happy for what I have and grateful—

Oh, maybe that’s it. Thanksgiving is swiftly approaching, and holidays all somehow bring about stress, no matter if you tell your husband I promise I will not be stressed out this time, I promise. It could just be me—I get weird whenever I have to leave my island. Or it could just be the expectations, holidays and their endless expectations. I am trying to live my life minus expectations. That way, when something nice happens I can be all pleasantly surprised that the world isn’t filled with assholes. Does that sound harsh?

Then again, maybe my mood—let me describe it for you in sound effects: ick and grr and ugh—has nothing whatsoever to do with swiftly approaching holidays and only to do with myself. I just finished a manuscript and I’m waiting to see how it lands. I just finished a manuscript and have gone back to my real life. I just finished a manuscript and now have to write a whole new manuscript and that’s daunting—admit it—starting, or restarting, a new novel is overwhelming and comes with the usual truckload of expectations.

I dunno. Wish I could cheer up though.

I’ve been brainstorming notes on my new novel—no pressure, I tell myself, no stress. (I promise not to be stressed out about this, promise.) Some days I feel a real sense of what I’m doing. Others, I worry I’m wanting to fit in too much, worrying about audience, worrying about market, worrying about worrying about it. I know the advice: Just write it first and deal with all those questions later. And now would be the time to have my superpower—I’m sure I’ve mentioned before what I would pick out of all superpowers in the known universe: complete and total control over time. Because I’d stop the clock. And I’d make myself calm down. And cheer up. And lose all expectations. And then I’d just write. And that’s what I want for Christmas, in case you were wondering. Also a nice big cape.

9 thoughts on “What’s with the Mood?

  1. Will suffers MAJOR post-partum depression after he finishes a writing project. (I avoid it by NEVER FINISHING ANYTHING. You can see how very clever I am.)

  2. it’s true. I suffer post-partum depsression when I even finish a Chapter. It’s horrible when I actually complete a project.

  3. Post-partum depression for novelists! I totally get how that could happen. God, it really is like birthing a child, isn’t it? Let’s just hope it’s a normal case of the baby blues, which if I remember correctly, only lasted about two weeks😉

    I’ve also seen writers refer to starting a new novel as something like divorce. I suppose I have all of this to look forward to when I finish mine.

    Hubby also wishes for control over time, so if you figure it out, let me know, so I can pass it along!

  4. Now I support YOU YOU YOU, nova. You are a-okay. All will be well. Blah blah blah, I know — I’m reading your post and feeling exactly the same way about the holidays, life in general, and developing the new story. Phooey, I say whatever you do, don’t force yourself to cheer up — that’s just more stress!

  5. Pingback: A moment of great pleasure and gratitude » Sandi Kahn Shelton

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