Just woke up from a dream about my book’s cover. In the dream, I happened to see an advance cover flat by accident and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. But I was afraid to say. In the author photo section there was a picture… of someone else. That someone looked like Cousin It or the girl from Ringu. There was so much hair all over the person pictured that I thought maybe it was me, maybe you just couldn’t see my face? The whole back of the book, the back flap and the back panel and even onto the spine, was all these heads full of dark hair. Some of the heads had their faces covered entirely by hair, and sometimes you could see the faces—they were little girls, but none were me, at least I don’t think they were.
For some reason I can’t remember what the front of the book looked like. I think it was mostly just type, I think just the name of the book and my name. It was like, THIS IS A BOOK BY ME, but the picture was so obviously not me that it freaked me out.
Then I realized the photo on the back could be me—just when I was a kid. I was confused. How did they get that picture? Why did they use it instead of the one I sent? And what is going on with my hair?
In reality, I don’t necessarily need an author photo to run on the book—not all books have them… who needs to know what an author looks like in order to read a book? Is the dream showing that I’m nervous about having a photo or not having a photo? This is completely out of my control. I guess the dream is just showing all my raw nerves, no matter what they’re about.
When I woke up, I had to assure myself it was just a dream and isn’t true. It can’t be. What I saw in the dream—though it’s all gauzy now, slipping into the forgetting—it wasn’t at all like the cover concept my editor showed me. The dream is impossible. They are not going to make my book look like that. They will not cover it with hair.
I’m feeling very insecure right now, I think.