Ups and downs this week.

Down—started the week caught up in that prolonged patch of discouragement I’d been carrying around even though—Up—I saw the whole jacket design of my book last week and wow is it gorgeous. But—Down—I think I was in the mood because I could barely write anything all weekend and I felt like one of those writers who walks around saying “I’m a Writer, my Novel is about World Peace, aren’t I Brilliant?” and yet doesn’t write a word. Then, something happened and—Up—I began writing my new novel, like really really writing it. Something clicked and the voice just came out of me, the scene really taking shape. And that—Up, Up—lasted days. Even though—Down—we sent in our taxes this week and paid a big chunk we’ll be reeling from for months. Still, I was—Up—writing, every morning before work, writing. Then Friday came and I made a mistake at my day job and felt like an imbecile and—Down—began to question my existence. While this was happening I heard from my editor: the 1st pass of my novel was ready. She could overnight it or I could come get it after work if I wanted. Up, up, up, up. Then—Down—the mistake I made at my job was worse than I thought and I wanted to cry. But—Up—I think I really am publishing a novel: pages of it exist already. And—Up, I think?—an editor I’ve done work-for-hire writing for contacted me to see if my time has changed and I haven’t maybe changed my mind? That’s not really an Up or Down, I have no idea what to do if you want the honest truth.

Mood swings, anyone?

Anyway, the week ended like this: I couldn’t wait. I had to get my 1st pass in person. (The 1st pass / galleys is the first time you see the layouts of your novel, designed and in the font and size it will be in the actual book.)

There was the moment where I met my editor and she handed me the 1st pass. This stack of 272 pages held together by a rubber band. I was afraid to look at first. Then I did. Slowly, carefully, I flipped through the pages.

Oh my god.

It’s really real, I think I said. She was watching me, to see what I thought, and then we met eyes and she smiled and I was sort of wordless and all I could manage in that moment was, I love it. And, Thank you.

So I most definitely ended the week on an Up.

Yeah, that’s an Up. Undeniably an Up.