confessions / distractions / writing

That Thing I Shouldn’t Talk About

On my mind right now, that thing never to talk about in mixed company, or any company, ever: Money.

Just came back from shocking someone into a stupor with the realities of our situation. I think she felt very sorry for us. Or thought we were very stupid. Or both. Hey, artists: If you’re seeking an MFA and can’t pay for it yourself out-of-pocket, maybe don’t get one. And, on that note, if you want to travel to Paris and can’t pay for it yourself out-of-pocket, maybe don’t go to Paris.

Anyway, we’re moving ahead at long last with trying to get our heads above water, or closer to it anyway. There’s this weird reality we’ve been living in now in which you only buy things you can afford. Real people do this all the time! In our case, it just means we’re not buying much of anything. I won’t be getting new clothes for the summer and I will be gluing my sandals together so I can wear them another season. There’s nothing wrong with that. This week I wore a purple-striped concoction to work with some weird shirt over it because I found both in the suitcase and hadn’t seen them in so long so they felt like new clothes. Of course, once I saw myself in the full-length mirror at work I regretted that I’d gotten dressed in the dark and didn’t notice that my blacks didn’t match. I hate when a warm black clashes with a cool black, don’t you? Then again who cares. Fact is, I just really like stripes.

In other weird news, I’ve lost a little weight lately due to this new medication I’m on, which also happens to be giving me a lot of energy, and I am totally cool with both side effects.

Also, if you’re curious about the writing:

My agent likes my new chapters🙂🙂🙂

He’s awesome. I’m so happy I picked him. Best decision I’ve made in a long time.

All I have to do now is, um, write that plot summary—AND IT’S KILLING ME AND PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!—oh, I’m so dramatic. Give me a week; it’ll be fine.

I’m in this strange spot where some things are falling apart all around me and yet other things are pretty good. So there are ups and downs and that’s life and I never thought I’d be here eating a bag of raw string beans talking about some agent who likes my chapters, but here I am, eating vegetables, voluntarily, and being responsible, voluntarily, like a grown-up with a literary agent and everything.



5 thoughts on “That Thing I Shouldn’t Talk About

  1. I hear you, Nova. Money is so much the unspoken elephant in the room, especially so these days. I’m in a different boat but with the same rules. I think my problem is that we bought a boat that’s beyond our means. So we have a grand old boat and we can afford IT but that’s it. So we look like we are all BLING! but we are totally not. In sum, take comfort in teh fact that you are not alone.

    But again, like you, I am finding old clothes that look new and finding ways to cook food at home that is very very posh and relishing what I *do* have and trying to channel all my energy into my writing.

    I am glad to hear your spirits are still UP! And that there is good news to counter all the dismal stuff. Annnd that your meds are working for you–not only to deal with your health concerns but that on the plus side they are making you FEEL better too! (so many meds that are good for you make you FEEL WORSE so this is a huuuge plus!).

  2. I completely relate–now that we’re getting married I actually sat down with a banker with the goal of creating–gasp–an account that was JUST FOR EXPENSES. As opposed to charging lots of random crap from Target and hoping for the best at the end of the month! Growing up is hard. Especially when we make our “living” (ha!) thinking like teenagers…😛

  3. Buy only what you can afford? Novel concept! (get it? “Novel?” Aren’t we writers witty?). Seriously, congrats on the buy-only-what-you-can-afford concept. You are officially in the vast minority. Excellent work! Your rewards will be sweet.

  4. Thanks, jadepark! It’s a tough time, but I do have faith we’ll get through it. And you too!

    Meeks, I KNOW. I sort of feel like we shouldn’t have to grow up at all… I mean, for research purposes. Think I should tell that to the IRS?

    Haha, thanks, Laura! It’s totally an alien concept to me, but it’s not so hard, really. I mean, sure, I totally want to go on vacation for our anniversary like to Venice or Hawaii, but I’ll be perfectly fine if we stay home. Right? Right?😉

  5. It’s tough, but things will balance out. You work freaking HARD, woman.

    Also, if you’re curious about the writing:

    My agent likes my new chapters🙂🙂🙂

    !!!! YAY.

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