The Loneliness

I’ve reached the point in my exile where the loneliness is hovering.

This possibly, probably, also has to do with how I’m not at the office this week either. My emails are slowing down… my life is quieting. If I didn’t see E before I left the apartment this morning, the only word uttered from my mouth today would have been a mumbled “Hi,” when I passed another writer in the kitchen here at my writing spot. The other writer was making coffee; I was putting a yogurt in the fridge; we were both probably thinking of our novels, so there wasn’t much else to say.

I’m still at my writing spot—I’ll be here all day. I’m in a loft full of writers all at their desks writing. No one talks. No one looks. No one waves. I hear clicking sometimes, typing. The door swooshes open, clacks closed. Someone sighs. I sigh.

Really, I’m a very solitary person so the loneliness shouldn’t bother me. But that’s the thing about Twitter and Facebook: you feel connected. Disconnection is something to get used to. And with my whole life unplugged as I write away toward deadline maybe it’s good to keep up a few connections now and then.

All this silence, alone with my thoughts, makes me realize something: Maybe it’s not Twitter that could kill my novel. Maybe it’s my doubts and insecurities—all along, this whole time… it’s been me.

Makes you want to log in to Twitter and distract yourself, right?

Still writing, trying not to stress about health insurance, which dropped a bomb on us yesterday, and which I’m avoiding dealing with by putting off picking up a prescription for a little longer. Writing, I’m supposed to be writing. Just ignore me, I’m writing.

9 thoughts on “The Loneliness

  1. jadepark November 5, 2009 / 12:58 pm

    i miss you, too. connection is why i stay on twitter. otherwise i’d end up a hermit.

  2. Victoria November 5, 2009 / 2:07 pm

    That’s so true about the connectedness. I’m a pretty solitary person, too, so I don’t usually feel lonely, but things like Twitter make you feel so connected, and I feel so, I don’t know, quiet, cut off, alone without it!

  3. nova November 5, 2009 / 2:12 pm

    This week just makes me… love Twitter even more than before. Those people who invented it, whoever they are? GENIUSES.

  4. courtney November 5, 2009 / 2:39 pm

    Keep writing & hang in there. You are amazing. Sorry about the bomb you got dropped on you. 😦

  5. elizabeth November 5, 2009 / 3:45 pm

    It’s kind of a writerly fantasy – your day job *is* writing- but it’s a hard life. Hang in there. You are still connected through your blog!

  6. Suzanne Young November 5, 2009 / 7:36 pm

    Being twitterless maks us reevaluate our lives… But hey, you’ve almost made the entire week. You’ve written. When you come back to Twitter, you’ll be a stronger person!

    And everyone will be so happy to see you!!!!!!

  7. laura November 6, 2009 / 12:49 pm

    I failed the Twitter break for this very reason. Fell off the wagon on day 2, lol!

    But it was a learning experience, and I’m finding that Twitter is more useful than not.

  8. Debbie Duncan November 6, 2009 / 5:14 pm

    If I haven’t failed the Twitter break by now (Friday), I will make it. I’ve gotten a good start on my new MG and know I wouldn’t have accomplished that if I’d been following my old habits. So, thanks again for the inspiration!

    But also like you, I *really* miss the connectedness of it and won’t be making this a permanent thing. I will, though, only go on at certain times of the day (after a good chunk of writing) and not check it constantly, as fun as that always is.

    • nova November 6, 2009 / 7:44 pm

      Debbie, I think I’m going to follow your Twitter method too. And how fabulous about the good start to your new MG. Yay!

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