distraction no.99

Nova Ren Suma | On Writing & Writing Distractions

Not an Author Newsletter… something else.

Delivery, Please

Times like these, when I am determined to stay glued to the laptop until I finish this chapter, and the free pretzels and M&Ms at the writing spot have lost their luster, and it’s cold out, and the chair is comfortable and I don’t want to get out of it, and I have so much work left to do on the end of the book that I wake up some mornings and think it’s impossible and everyone knows it’s impossible and they’re all out there laughing at me, and it’s almost four o’clock, and I didn’t bring anything to eat with me today, I think about how it would be really cool if there were a special delivery/motivational service for writers—you wouldn’t have to stop writing to call them. You could just email in your order, and they’d swing by and sit beside your desk and feed you bites of food while you typed. And when you were done, they’d wipe the crumbs off your face, massage your stiff neck, and then slip away quietly. They’d leave a note beside your laptop: YOUR SCENE IS BRILLIANT, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, I LOVE EVERY WORD YOU’VE WRITTEN TODAY. And, when you weren’t looking, you’d find they’ve answered all your outstanding emails for you and left a nice, refreshing mint on your keyboard.

If such a service existed, I would like someone to tell me my chapter is shaping up okay today. And, also, I’d like a cheese and tomato sandwich. Thank you.

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7 responses to “Delivery, Please”

  1. Hmmm… I believe these people exist, at least in theory. They’re called Significant Others. They sometimes go by the name of Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife, The Man, Himself, etc. Supposedly, they offer this service without price. I’m skeptical, however.

    • Hmm, yes, I do think they exist. Unfortunately, my writing spot is members-only and my significant other is not allowed inside! I think he should get a special pass to visit me at my desk, give me a hug, read my toiled-over paragraph, and maybe slip me an afternoon mocha.

  2. omg, I WANT THAT SERVICE! In my irl though, they are called “good writing friends.” I saw e’s post on FB too–gushing support. I wish I were there to provide you this service–I’d bring you chocolate chip cookies, sit by your side and talk you up, give you a shoulder massage and then be on my merry way!

    • Aw thanks, and I hope you know I’d do the same for you! If only we lived in the same city and wrote in the same place… btw, I baked brownies last night (from a mix), but I felt terribly accomplished. I would have tweeted all about it, but, y’know.

      (E told me about his fb post. He’s so sweet! I desperately need his support right now, so his enthusiastic IMs as he was reading the new chapters yesterday were WONDERFUL.)

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