Unruly Novels and Bad Tattoos

My novel and I had a very nice weekend, mostly. We worked through some plot changes together, I told her she was pretty, she revealed she still has feelings for me, and then just when I thought we were rolling she slipped out of my hands and ran off screaming and hollering through the room and I had to jump on her to calm her down. This is because she has a difficult spot around her middle and I’m trying to fix her up, if only she’d just sit still. Sometimes I want to put a leash on her so she can’t roam too far.

Then I think of the horrifying sight I saw at the bodega this weekend, while on a much-needed trip to stock up on revision ice cream. (What, you don’t need ice cream to complete a revision? Are you a superhero or a macrobiotic or something?) A short tough teenage guy came in and went to the counter to get a phone card and I was accosted with the enormous tattoo covering the whole of his left arm as he stood just beside me.

The tattoo was a menacing bulldog with red eyes. In the bulldog’s mouth was a leash. The leash was attached to the neck of a completely naked woman. Because the dog controlled the woman. Because women are lower than dogs.

I wanted to punch the guy in his smug face, but I am nonviolent (and do not want to get jumped in a bodega, and do not know how to throw a punch besides), so I held my ice cream to my chest and just glared.

I hope he never gets a girlfriend.

I hope a dog chews off his arm.

Is that mean?

So I take back what I said about the leash. My novel is free to run wild and I’ll never tie her down. I just hope she calms down enough so we can make deadline.

Speaking of tattoos, I sort of wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate every novel I publish, but I still haven’t come up with a good one for Dani Noir. I can never decide on tattoos, not that I’m against them, I think they’re gorgeous when they don’t involve naked women leashed to dogs, but I just change my mind too frequently and I can’t settle on an image I’d want on my skin for the rest of my life. It’s so annoying. This is also a problem when it comes to revision. Finishing a manuscript is like getting a tattoo. It’s forever. And when I’m revising it’s not forever yet. That’s why I love revision so much.

I still want to punch that guy in the bodega. Or at least glare at him some more.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Unruly Novels and Bad Tattoos

  1. margosita June 21, 2010 / 10:50 am

    I want to punch that guy in the face, too.

    • nova June 21, 2010 / 11:35 am

      We should gang up on him!

      • Maddz June 22, 2010 / 5:20 pm

        LOL, I’ll join you. That’s just a gross tattoo. He must have been drunk or something when he got it. I mean, that’s only logical way he would get a tattoo like that.

  2. lkmadigan June 21, 2010 / 10:04 pm

    I feel the same way about tattoos: love looking at them … have been considering getting one for 20+ years … but I can’t commit. I sometimes think I could permanently love a little wrist bracelet tattoo that says, “Once upon a time …”

    I favor revision fudge.

    xo

    Lisa

    • nova June 22, 2010 / 9:51 am

      I like your “Once upon a time…” wrist bracelet idea, Lisa! And, when the weather cools down, maybe for my next revision, I shall try some revision fudge! Maybe that’s the magic I need 😉

    • nova June 24, 2010 / 7:50 am

      Weird!

  3. Annika June 23, 2010 / 1:35 am

    Pick a motif. Something that you really love. Examples: stars, birds, mushrooms. (NOT MUSHROOMS!) Get one for each novel. You can ALSO get a tattoo that pertains to the novels specifically, but the motif would save you the trouble of deciding each time.

    Of course you’d still have to choose a motif.

    • nova June 24, 2010 / 7:51 am

      Mushrooms, what a great idea!

      (If I get a mushroom, I’ll give you full credit, promise.)

      I do like this motif idea… This could work! Once I decide on the motif, obvs.

  4. Bryan Bliss June 23, 2010 / 4:42 pm

    I forgot to mention I was in NYC this week. I usually wear long sleeves.

    • nova June 23, 2010 / 4:45 pm

      Bryan, even if we share the same agent, I totally would punch you if you had that tattoo. Don’t try me!

Comments are closed.