I happened to see this post called “The Big Fat Lie of the Author Bio”—hysterical.

Even though I have no golden retrievers, my own author bio might make me sound at least somewhat professional, and hopefully productive, but it really says nothing about me, does it?

So let’s be honest here. Here’s a new bio:

Nova can often be found obsessively rereading her sentences, distracting herself with the shiny internet, and trying not to go out for ice cream. She enjoys sitting in front of the television, on the floor, eating baby tomatoes, and currently owes the library $5.35  in fines. She lives in a shoebox apartment surrounded by clutter circa 1997 with her husband, who wishes she’d decide what she wants for dinner. She has no kids or pets but one plant, which she will likely kill within the month. She spends an inordinate amount of time writing novels and should probably find a hobby or go outside and get some sun or something.

What’s your honest author bio?